damien stolarz blog

Damien, are you there?

I recently sent an email to a friend explaining the best ways to get hold of me. Since I have been guilty in the past of communicating poorly with good friends who approached me on completely valid but underutilized (by me) means of communication (Aaron, Fleur – I am so sorry I never responded to your snail mail and I hope someday you will forgive me!), I thought I’d document my habits. It may just be for posterity – hopefully I will improve these with time. Below is a slightly edited version of the email I sent.

Dear (Friend),

Hope I gave you the feedback you sought. I’m going to lay out my preferred methods of responding to communication. I’m not implying that this is how things ought to be or even holding myself out as an example; I simply thought I’d try to explain what works with me and what doesn’t:

PREFERRED, in order of preference:
1) Email with topic identified. I check my email every few minutes, at the very least hourly, at least while awake, on my phone and on my computer, at which I sit >8 hours a day. On weekends it can slow down, but all email is checked usually at least daily.
2) Repeated phone calls – simply calling back a few times until I can answer is totally fine. I don’t mind persistence, and when I take the call, it means I can talk then.
3) SMS with topic identified- I respond pretty rapidly to text messages, when they have a context and explain what is needed.
4) voice mails with the topic identified – a voice mail that says “we need to blah” or “i need feedback or a decision on blah”. This allows me to think about or work on the problem, come up with a response, and then when I call / email / text back, I can have gathered my thoughts or solutions for an efficient communication.

URGENT:
1) Any combination of the above: email + voicemail, or email + sms – “hey I sent you an email, pls respond by thurs if possible” . Some people also ping people close to me and say “make damien respond to blah” if it’s really burning urgent, as these family/friends/coworkers aware of where I am and can hunt me down and make me answer.

SLOW, INEFFECTIVE, NOT PREFERRED
1) Voice mails that say ‘call me’ but give no data- these sit in my phone for days or weeks. I usually note that “blah called” and maybe by the end of the week I will pick up the voice mail. if the voice mail doesn’t identify the topic that may add even more delay as I try to fit in calling the person back. I often forget about these, bad habit but true. Sometimes these get don’t get cleared out until my voice mail fills up (I know, I know!)
2) Emails, sms, that leave no data as to the purpose of the communication – generally, these wind up in the “this person wants to talk to me” bucket, and with my travel schedule I may not have a chance for days. email goes off the page every day; I won’t see an unresponded to email in my inbox for a month or more until I clear out my inbox.
3) Bulk email that is not clearly addressed to me. I may read the title and not read the email.
4) Email with no call-to-action. A communication that needs response should say so, otherwise it may be interpreted as an FYI, and I may wrongly fail to respond or act on it.

WHY?

I think it’s because the best way to get me to answer is to successfully put the problem in my universe. I have a very good memory for problems that I need to solve, especially if provided with an expected deadline – because I will push the task back if I can’t make it by the deadline, or i’ll simply get it done.
By far, my most preferred way of getting things done is EMAIL, This is because:

0) If a tree falls in the forest, it may make a sound but it isn’t necessarily recorded for follow-up.
1) Often all the data needed to work on the solution is there.
2) It’s in writing, so I don’t have to take notes on a call that generates 3 or 4 to-do items; it’s right there in the email, in my inbox.
3) I can work on it when I have time – many evenings and travel times are free, and I usually look to email for things to do.
4) It reduces delay – I don’t have to wait until my schedule synchs up with someone.
5) It is the mode I am used to for work, and how my life is scheduled.
6) It is how I operate with most of the other people in my life for production tasks. I use phone and in-person conversations to handle upsets, or very charged issues, or confidential issues, but not for most day-to-day production issues.

There are some communications that are not appropriate for email, but many of them can be summarized, or alluded to successfully (“this relates to the recently discussed re-sign issue…”) or (“this is about the issue we solved last week with respect to signed forms…”) so that the requests can be solved.

I hope this helps explain that I’m not at all inaccessible and I can be very rapid in response (same day or next day) but the best way to get that out of me is emails with calls-to-action (“do this”).
I sincerely apologize if I have been slow to respond to you in the past and I will endeavor to improve my habits in this area.

Your friend,
Damien