Subscribe to RSS Subscribe to Comments

damien stolarz blog

Blue Falcon

In 2001 or 2002 M.C. Robot wrote this rap about my P2P media delivery company. I figured I should put it up for all to enjoy.

image

The B to the F to the N y’all

representing layer three of the stack, y’all

Traversal is the way that we cut through your NAT, cuz universal plug and play doesn’t handle that

all you app layer suckers better drop the SOAP cos’ we got the layer three which is the straight dope

Your gui’s aint shit cuz we roll our own skins- When you step to BFN that’s when your hurt begins:

  • your shit ain’t even beta
  • you’re a media playa hata
  • your dot net frontin’ makes you ship much lata

learn the rules, bitch and use your tools bitch because we’re dropping a load

with our unmanaged code on your business plan and your .NET scam

your C is sharp but your skills are flat cuz our code is old school like a backwards hat

So to you .NET bitches and you web service ho’s, your window of opportunity is comin’ to a close

we’ll source route your packets to the DOJ when we rewrap sockets and we take your pay

You ask “why, are we hatin’ on your skills?”

and we say “why, ‘cuz we’re paying our bills with YOUR customers

and that’s why you’re crying ‘cuz our biz dev team is out there lying…

I meant laying, a trap for y’all because your chump ass tech is headed for a fall…

You’re peer to peer - you’re so last year - this distributed code is f@$king up your ears -

Our vaporware condenses inside the bhong

that our coders smoke while we’re pumping this song

and reveal the release date far beyond–

any hope you’ll respond and it won’t be long

before we recruit your best staff

and bankrupt your execs and tool ‘em and laugh…

So don’t step to us and don’t compete with us and don’t challenge us or you’ll get beat by us.

We’re givin’ you the static that you didn’t expect

cuz our code commands unconditional respect

so step off and get lost before your companies wrecked by:

  • our pimp bottom line,
  • our internet crime,
  • our freeloading sucker-punching new paradigm.

We’re a fierce f@#king blue f*#king bird of prey

and your sucker MBAs just don’t know how to play

we can see you make a move from five miles away

and our strategy team swoops down and you’re food today

You see we don’t take kindly to competition

our execs are on an executive mission

to optimize internet transmission

and you’re out of commission

on a road to perdition

so go back to stealth mode while we take your position.

-M.C. Robot

The views above may be those of my former employer but the mode of expression is probably not.